call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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