I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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