She's JV to your varsity
I think my vagina is haunted
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
