My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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