dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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