Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
