so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
