I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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