Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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