we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You don't make any sense
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