Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drake has all the answers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
