Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
