i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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