vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
