I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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