I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
