Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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