I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
