My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
