you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
