So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
