How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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