I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
