I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
