It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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