What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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