Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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