Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
