i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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