I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
