just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
