What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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