She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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