Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
