i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
