i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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