I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
