and you said cock pushups were impossible
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
