Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You smell like stripper and shame
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
