I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
