I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
