I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
