The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
