You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
