i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
