CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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