It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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