We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
