all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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