I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude. I can hear the air.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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