Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
