you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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