I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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