May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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