On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
