what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
