My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
