please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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