When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
