I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My legs feel like baby dolphins
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
