Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
