You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
