You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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