remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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