The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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