im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
