After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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