she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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