we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
